Dear Andreus,
It’s that time of year again, and always as the holidays approach my partner’s mother wants to come and visit, and stay for 2-3 weeks at a time in our home. My partner, of course is ecstatic, but honestly, I can’t stand the woman. She criticizing everything about our home, the food we prepare for her, the bed she sleeps in, etc. I have tolerated this for years, but I am at my breaking point. What do I do?
Sincerely,
Over It
Dear Over It,
As with any type of relationship, you teach people how to treat you. If this is, and has been an ongoing issue, I would first speak with your partner and voice your concerns. As far as your part in this situation, you can respectfully put her in check. When she makes inappropriate comments, or criticizes, then respond with something positive. For example, if she says – “I would have never bought this sofa,” then your reply with something like, “We love this sofa, and we chose it because it is exactly what we wanted for our space.” Sometimes you have to say things which cause the other person to think about what they just said. Ultimately, she is a guest in your house, and she must respect you and your space. And if Momma does like the bed, leave a blanket and a couple of pillows on the sofa. Enough said!
Dear Andreus,
I recently started dating this amazing guy. He is an attorney, and runs his own practice. I bartend and dance part-time. My “type of work” has become an issue for him. He told me that he needs me to get a “more respectable” job if I want to pursue a relationship with him. He then went on to say that with the work I do, I come in contact with too many guys. I have been falling hard for him, but feel like is putting me down and this is an ultimatum. Why should I have to stop doing what I enjoy? Please help!!!!
Sincerely,
ShakenNotStirred
Dear ShakenNotStirred,
This sounds like a classic case of trust issues. Of course we all know that bartending and dancing put you in a position to come in contact with lots of people, but so does being an attorney. Technically you could use the same argument with him. There are a lot of factors here. How long you guys have been together, how serious your relationship has become, and if there are any reasons for mistrust. If you feel as if this relationship is really going somewhere, then you guys have to work this out. Unless you have given him a reason to doubt you, he should accept you as you are, along with your choice of work. Coming into, or sharing your life with someone else should not be about controlling them, it should be about complimenting them. In the end, only you can decide whether to continue doing what you are doing, or finding another line of work to put him at ease. Just remember that once you start making changes to satisfy someone else, that can lead to you losing the very things about yourself that attracted them in the first place.
source https://hotspotsmagazine.com/2018/10/18/over-it-shaken-not-stirred/
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