Finding Love on Dating Apps

Dear Andreus,

I recently met someone on Grindr. We established a regular thing, meeting up 2-3 times a week for sex. Amidst all the steamy sex and brief conversations, I realized that he is really a good guy.  I find myself being attracted to him in a deeper way. When we first met, he told me that he was not interested in having a relationship with anyone, just sex or friends with benefits. My emotions are so involved now, and I am dying to tell him how I feel. The problem is that I am afraid that if I tell him, he will run away. The more I have sex with him and talk with him, the deeper I fall. What am I supposed to do with my feelings? This is becoming overwhelming. Please help!!!!

Sincerely,

Ready for Love

Dear Ready for Love,

Love is not planned, and whether you meet someone on Grindr, Facebook, at the bar or in the library, the bottom line is that we are human, and feelings can emerge no matter what your original plan was. Maybe a good way to feel things out is to ask vague questions.  When you are laying there in afterglow, use that opportunity to pick his brains. See what he likes, what he doesn’t like. What his past experiences with guys have been like. What he ultimately would want if he did have a relationship. This might give you some insight.  You might also want to start by offering him your friendship. Maybe spending more time together just as friends, outside of the bedroom, might bring him around a bit. From my own experience, I find that a lot of the time it’s not about not wanting a relationship as much as it is about the fear of getting hurt or getting hurt again.  Every chance at love is a risk, and only you can decide if you want to take it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Andreus,

I got married last year to the guy of my dreams, or so I thought. Recently, as I have just turned 35, I have been entertaining the idea of having children. My sisters have kids, and I adore them, and honestly have always wanted children of my own.  I brought it up to my husband a couple of weeks ago, and he told me that he despised children and has absolutely no interest in them. I am finding myself in a very difficult situation, because I want a child more than anything in the world. How could I marry someone who doesn’t?  I am so torn apart.

Sincerely,

In Shreds

Dear In Shreds,

As you know, marriage is a very serious thing.  Those types of details such as the desire to have children, should be discussed before things even get that serious.  The whole point of marriage is to spend your life with someone who is on the same page as you. You and your husband clearly need to talk.  See if there is a middle ground. Decide for yourself what is most important to you. Is this something that is a deal-breaker, or is your marriage going to suffer from this?  These are the types of things that you need to address with your husband. Children are a wonderful gift, but a great responsibility, and not one that everyone is cut out for. Him not wanting children, doesn’t make him a bad person. He might just know that parenthood is not for him.  If it is truly that important, don’t give up, keep talking about it. A problem can be solved if it is seen as a challenge and not an obstacle.

source https://hotspotsmagazine.com/2018/11/20/finding-love-on-dating-apps/